38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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