based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
