Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
