you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
