she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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