we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
