genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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