She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
