Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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