i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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