Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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