Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize