My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
