I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
