Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
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And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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