How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
