Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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