you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
