I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
