He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
40s are totally the cure
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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