My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize