Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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