and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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