I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
