Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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