I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
