the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
