do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
