wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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