I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
