I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
