youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
