I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
