I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We named our party play list daddy issues
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
