Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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