Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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