Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just blew my weed a kiss
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
