Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
