its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
