I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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