dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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