Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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