I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
a search helicopter?!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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