He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
