someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
