no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
