Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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