it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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