I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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