My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
