Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
