That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
