So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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