can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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