Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
