Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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