road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
