Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
