just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i dont even know how to be here
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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