i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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