Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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