girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize