I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
