Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
