my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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