I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
