If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
