I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
