@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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