She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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