I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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